So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
