this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
