she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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