In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
