When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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