Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
