I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
do nipples grow back?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
