everyone is single if you try hard enough
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize