well I can't set my house on fire every night
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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