SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
