Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
