Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
