I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
