i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
