In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
