Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
