Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
