Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
sex in a hospital.. check
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
