i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
