hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
