He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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