sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
you made out with another girl for some wings
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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