We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize