Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Randomize
