Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
