you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
