A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
