Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
