just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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