I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
