this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
