I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
