Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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