Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize