I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
