can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
