Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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