Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
