Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Best friends brother. Beat that.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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