on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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