Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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