I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
