Porn is love you can see.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
