When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
