Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
