i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Can I color on your dick again?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
