How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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