I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
