Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
