The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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