So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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