just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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