What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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