apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
