im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
