I'm lost and stupid without you.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
