I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
