I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
