Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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