'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
