his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
