what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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