Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
