One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
What drink are we having for lunch?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize