u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
