Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
