I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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