Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
