I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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