i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We have started to decorate penises.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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