How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
