apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
