Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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