If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
