I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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