She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
